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Wednesday, February 25, 2009, 1:02:00 AM
YOU
this post is all about 'YOU'just now at burger king, aloy was viewing my images, and he asked me this, who is this person?? she looked somehow familiar. After that, things were flashing back, and recalling back to the past. And that person is none other than 'YOU' i know u might not come here as u did last time already, but i would post this, and hope u will see it. The moment aloy showed me the photo, i saw that u were smiling happily, just like ur msn display picture, that was an urge for me to sent u a message of, "hi, how are you recently??? long time never message u already, about 6 months ???" but u should know my character, i dont dare to sent it out. To be frank i wish that i was still in the past, past of everyday right after school, i would disapppear immediately, not back home, but to some place special. Spent my time there until late night, and catch the last bus home. Some times, i even take a taxi back home, because it was already midnight, no more bus services. I had never regretted about going there, spent 1 hour plus going there, and 1 hour plus coming back, never regretted about my transport fees, never regretted about my family members scolding, and their questioning of "why u come back home so late, and still wearing ur uniform" really never ever regretted. Althought it was just a short one month plus, i really enjoying it, maybe thats my fate, not my luck to have it carry on. No need to feel sorry or anything, i still kicking alive. Just a smile will do. Sometimes when i go find my brother, how i wish that i would see u somewhere there, but what will i do when i saw u?? Hide at one corner to peep at you??? or just walk pass you as if i dont know who u are. BUt i really wish to see you in person than seeing ur msn display picture. Hope that your life is better already, i wont be there for you anymore. That time that i received ur message, i was burst to tears, tears of joy of u are free already, can lead a better life than last time or tears of saddness that i am having, having someone left me, at that moment, i felt lost. I quitted my soccer team. My coach, team-mates, all adviced me not to quit because of that, and they did give me a chance, but i let them down, i left the team in the end. Month and months after i realised that once it is gone, it is really gone, i went back to my coach and said that i am really for the team, i would want to join again. That time when u keep apologising in every of ur messages sent to me, i knew that thats the end already. i was so foolish to reply you that "its okay, let us just be friends, okay??" and "once gone, is gone already, no need to apologize, cause it wont undo everything, just be normal friends" you want to know what i actually wanted to say??? what i wantt to say was "HEy!! I really dont want to be separated, i dont wnat to be friends, i want this to be forever, i really serious" but i did not type this and sent it. You didnt let me down, it was i, I who let myself down. Maybe what i did is stil not enough for u, 24/7 stand by for you, maybe that is not enough, so u actually no need to apologize. i miss those time, i miss you the most, and i still missing you now Few months later, until i saw "YOU" i totally forget about the past for that moment u are within my sight. You are the one, that can release me from it. I realised that u are slowly coming into my memory, taking up spaces, which i dont mind. you are the person that i wanted to spent my time with now, but can i??? will i have the chance?? I guess that i am starting to fell deep down already, deeply into liking you or even loving you. But isnt it weird for me to say that? Some how i dont think i will stand any chances, right??? If i really do stand any chances, will you please tell me, dont show to me, as i not good in realising chances until i missed it, and i will start to regret. I'm changed now, all because of you. A lot people asked me, why u suddenly changed so much, last time, you used to be late, used to be famous for being late, now u are so early, before morning assembly, we can see you in the school already. I tell them, it wasnt i who changed myself, someone else did. She told me that you are a good girl, which i dont want to harm your life with my name, i was not a good person, i was a bad guy, bad guy who drinks but never smoke, bad guy with name covering my ass when there is trouble, bad guy that u look at my contact book at my phone, mostly those contacts are people who are older than me, with jail/criminal records. But if i changed to a better person, will i have the chance from you??? I missed it that time, and i really regret and emotional about it. i dont want to miss any more things. Do i stand a chance?? Will you give me a chance to show it??? i found myself more and more fond of you already, will i be given a chance??? will you give me a chance ??? |